Dads Want to Get Involved More Than Ever With Their Children

Posted on February 27th, 2012

Photographs taken by Vanessa Henneman.  Hennemanphotography.com

Traditionally information given around the time of birth is aimed at mothers, so the government’s funding of materials to bring fathers up to  speed on the importance of their role marks a significant change in public attitudes towards fatherhood. The move comes amidst mounting  evidence that both moms and dads would welcome new dads having more  information about parenting.

Moms and dads working as a team

With research showing that when fathers do more at home, both parents tend to be happier, the Guide includes tips on how parents can work  together as a team, as well as information about promoting family health and effective ways of juggling parenting and breadwinning. The Guide also challenges a number of myths around fatherhood, including “men are insensitive with babies” and “mums are naturally better at caring for  children”.

Rob Williams, Chief Executive of the Fatherhood Institute, said:

“The inclusion of government-funded materials specifically aimed at dads  is a huge breakthrough and reflects a major shift in public attitudes  towards fatherhood in the last decade. Traditional gendered roles of mother as carer and father as breadwinner are dissolving; meaning a  generation of families is developing where both mum and dad play an active role in childcare.

“Over the last 30 years, fathers’ involvement with their children has  increased massively. There’s also been a rapid rise in fathers’  dissatisfaction with the amount of time they’re able to spend with their  children – and a notable increase in the availability and take-up of  flexible working by fathers.”

Fathers want to be more involved

Figures support the claim that attitudes are shifting and dads are  now more involved than ever in their children’s lives – and want to be:

• 82% of full-time working dads say they don’t get to spend enough time  with their family; this is 12% more than 20 years ago and is the highest  percentage ever recorded

• 93% of fathers who live with the mothers of their children attend the  birth

• 65% of younger mums want dads to be more involved with the children  than they are now, with 71% wishing their partner had had longer  paternity leave

• 48% of dads attend ante-natal classes (many more would attend if  places were available) and 86% attend at least one scan • 93% now sign their babies’ birth certificates

• the average time spent by fathers of young children on childcare has  increased eight-fold since the 1970s

Leo West, a new dad from Brentwood said:

“After my child was born, I found that most professionals were very  engaging of my partner. I think this was because the literature  available was geared towards mums; I looked for information directed at  dads which at the time seemed very vague. Not much of this literature  gave me sound advice how to do best by my partner and new baby. The  introduction of this new pack is the first real step in enabling and  empowering dads to be able to support their families. Having something  like this guide would have been fantastic.”

Adrienne Burgess, Head of Research at the Fatherhood Institute said:

“We know that fathers want to be more involved and that mothers and  babies do well when they are. Now we need to match that aspiration with  practical support. Not only does this Guide contain important  information that dads are unlikely to see anywhere else, but the fact  that it is to be given out to every new father is an effective way of  signaling his value – of saying ‘this isn’t just about mums – dads  really matter’.

“A close father-child relationship in childhood and adolescence is one  of the best protective factors against teenagers’ drug and alcohol  misuse, educational failure, gang membership and teenage pregnancy. It’s  crucial that this is recognized and the father-child relationship  supported right from the start of every child’s life.”

All Information is taken from the Fatherhood Institute. For more information or resources for dads, please click on the resources tab at the top of the page.

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“Father Hawks” In the News

Posted on February 5th, 2012

As Some of you know, I have been part of a fathers group at Valle Vista Elementary.  This group was made because of the effect a male presence has in a childs life.  We saw that many of this children had absent Fathers and male role models in their lives, and felt it was important to have a masculine role model for the children.  We call our group, the “Father Hawks.”  Here is our most recent success in the Inland Empire daily Bulletin. I’m very excited to see where this group will go, and where God is going to take us. Enjoy!

Written by Wendy Leung, Staff Writer@ The Daily Bulletin

Father Hawks member Esteban Torres plays tetherball with students during recess Friday, January 27, 2012, at Valle Vista Elementary School in Rancho Cucamonga. (Jennifer Cappuccio Maher/Staff Photographer)

RANCHO CUCAMONGA – Abraham Acklin has no qualms about decorating cupcakes. He loves it, in fact.Acklin has all the piping tools, has taken a class on cake decorating and will show you pictures on his phone of his past creations.

That kind of skill comes in handy at Valle Vista Elementary, where birthday parties and bake sales crop up at a moment’s notice.

But Acklin, a father of two, isn’t the only helpful dad around the Central School District campus. There’s a whole group of them, or actually, a whole cast.

A group of fathers calling themselves Father Hawks has been showing up at the school helping teachers with instruction and helping proctors during recess. With a mission to increase the male presence at the elementary school, these fathers take on roles that were once solely occupied by women.

Valle Vista, like many elementary schools, is mostly run by women. The school principal is a woman, all but two full-time teachers are women, all five of the office staff members are women, the superintendent is a woman, and until now, all the parent volunteers were women.

Principal Luanne Weaver said there is a great need for positive male role models.

“We have young boys here who don’t have dads,” Weaver said. “They don’t have a role model in their lives.”

Esteban Torres, a Father Hawk, recently realized just how important his role can be. Torres’ son has a classmate who once told the boy he was lucky to have a dad. Torres later found out his son’s classmate was reared by his grandmother and that the father was completely out of the picture.

“Now I communicate as much as I can with him,” Torres said. “I wish I could do more.”

During a recent recess, the Father Hawks, all dressed in their signature red T-shirts, showed up on the playground. Students gave them high-fives, asking them to join in a game of four-square.

“They’re always in line playing tetherball with us,” said Sebastian Ramirez, 10. “They always beat me and I kinda get jealous.”

“They help us sometimes with questions from our homework,” added Davina Langevin, 10.

“They do help us,” Sebastian said. “That’s why I hope more dads join.”

Father Hawks take part in everything from art projects to classroom discipline.

“We have celebrity status now,” said Acklin.

They keep an eye on school bullies and engage the more quiet students. In the morning, they help control traffic and greet students.

“I tell them as they’re getting out of their cars, `Don’t forget to tell your mom you love her,”‘ said father Gabe Martinez.

Some dads are public safety officials who come to school during their break. One father is retired and another is a college student.

Through the years, gender stereotypes in schools and homes have been slowly changing not only because mothers are pursuing careers but because leaders like Principal Weaver are encouraging male involvement.

In 2009, President Barack Obama, whose father was mostly absent, instigated a “national conversation on fatherhood.” He encouraged dads to be engaged in their children’s lives and stressed the powerful influence of a positive male role model.

Weaver said in general, men are becoming more involved, shouldering some of the child-rearing responsibilities once identified as a mom’s job.

“I think dads are feeling like this is more of a place for them. It’s not just a mom’s place,” Weaver said. “We get phone calls from parents all the time telling us the Father Hawks are awesome. This has made our dads feel important and valuable.”

Acklin, who manages the website DailyDads.org, said he came from a divorced family and didn’t spend time with his father until the sixth grade.

“Every child needs a father figure in their life,” Acklin said. “Even daughters. They need to know this is how men are. This is how men are supposed to treat them.”

The Father Hawks include eight dads: Abraham Acklin, Darrin Cooke, Michael Jacobs, Tyrone Liu, Gabriel Martinez, Heriberto Medina, Steven Rodriguez and Esteban Torres.

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“The Protector”-Part I

Posted on December 19th, 2011

“For they will fill you with life and bring you honor and respect.  They keep you safe on your way and keep your feet from stumbling.  You can lie down without fear and enjoy pleasant dreams.  You need not be afraid of disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked.”

Proverbs 3:22-25

This verse of the bible speaks directly of fathers and the relationship they have with their children.  We will protect them and keep them safe from harm, and because of that they do not have to worry about stumbling when disasters come their way.  It is our job to protect them from the bad things of this world while they are young and continue to protect them until they can protect themselves.  We are going to have to be one step ahead of them while they are young and as they grow older the situtations are going to get even harder.  We might have to confront people for them, stand in harms way for their benefit and yes, we might have to go to a party at midnight to go pick them up because they are in trouble.  But when it comes down to the question “can they trust us?”  the answer is going to be a definite “yes.”

Our children look up to us because in their eyes, as men, we are big, strong, brave, and courageous.  As a protector to our daughters we need to show them how a man is supposed to care for them and passionately look out for her best interests.  She needs to know the qualities and characterristics that a real man is supposed to possess, so that when she does find a husband she will know what to expect from him.  And if that man does not possess the qualities and characteristics she was raised knowing from you, then she will know her worth is more valuable than what he has to offer her.  When our boys are growing up they need to see how we act.  They need to witness for themselves how a man protects his family against all odds and moves with persistance, courage, integrity and love to do what is best for them.  Your son will witness sacrifice and gain a sense of self worth of who he is and what he stands for as he gets older.  He will have an identity and not follow what the media portrays of men, what his friends act like, or give into the notion that men are not present in the lives of their children.  He will know who he is, what he is up against, and what he needs to do in life as a real man.

Now that I have talked to you about being a protector of your children and how difficult it is, I want to express the importance of the benefits it will play in your childrens lives and the severe impact you have as a father.  You’re needed more than you know, more than what the media says you are, more than anything that will ever come into your childs life.  The emotional impact you have on your children is priceless and no material possession, or any person in the world will ever be able to take your place.  Lead your children by example and they will follow you because they look up to you and trust you to guide them.

Next week I want to talk to you about being a protector in another way.  We know we have to protect our children, but we also have to protect ourselves and know what we are up against.

 

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Being a Teacher to Your Children

Posted on December 5th, 2011

“Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it.” Proverbs 22:6

Being a teacher to our children is one of the many hats we have to wear, but one of the most important as well.  Through our guidance and wisdom that we pass down to them, they learn new things and create new ideas.  So instead of telling what they can not do, lets tell them what they can do instead.  Teach them how to be responsible by holding them accountable on the small things while they are young, so when they are older we know they can handle the bigger responsibilities of life because of what we have taught them.

I remember when I younger I always overheard my friends’ dad say “he’ll figure it out on his own” whenever it came time to teach his son (my friend) consequences for his actions.  It seemed like that was his favorite slogan for dealing with his son.  When I got older, that friend started taking a wrong path and has now passed away recently due to drug overdose.  I’m guessing he did not figure it out on his own.

If we leave all the power into our children’s hands without teaching them how to use that power and make the right choices in life , then why are we called parents in the first place?  We can not afford to sit on the sidelines and wait for our children to figure it out.  They need guidance, structure and someone to be there to teach them how the world works.  That is what a dad is for.  To teach them that their actions have consequences, how to cook, how to fix things and use their hands, to ride a bike, to take care of themselves, and to love one another.  Our children need discipline.  I’m not talking about spanking, timeouts, or getting whooped with the belt (like when I was younger).  But discipline-To disciple, to teach.  If they make a mistake we need to teach them ways on how to do it correctly.  We need to teach them self-help skills so they can gain their independence and not have an ego identity crisis when they are in their teenage years.  Teach them values to live by that are unshakable, even under the toughest of circumstances.  They need to know who they are and where they come from, but that teaching can only come from you.

The last thing I want to talk about when teaching, is teaching your son how to treat a woman.  We live in a culture today where at least 63% of our households in America do not have a dad or male role model.  We have a generation and possibly more generations to come that do not know how to be men.  They are still boys and were never taught how to be a man from other men.  I urge you dads to choose this one lesson to teach your sons consciously, because they watch everything you do, and that includes how you treat a woman or better yet, their mom.  They need to know that women are precious and gentle.  That we do not yell, raise our hands at them, talk demeaning or demoralizing to them or curse at them.  That women need to be cherished, romanced, hugged and told they are beautiful especially when they are feeling crummy.  Most of all they need to be taught that women are not objects and that they have feelings, emotions and they are real people who they will fall in love with one day.  So when they do grow up, they better know how to treat them because of the fine example you are going to set for them.

“It is far easier to teach a young boy than to fix a broken man.”

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King Me by Steve Ferrar

Posted on October 30th, 2011

Another great book to read and well written.  Steve Ferrar takes you into the lives of the kings of the past and shares their stories and downfalls in raising their sons.  A very educational book and will give you the security you need to know that you need to raise your son.  Points taken from the bible that are so realavant in toadays society, that you can not turn your eyes away.  Steve Ferrar takes you on a journey of what your son needs from you and how he is crying out for you to lead him, mentor him, and teach him how to be a man.  This book expalins all the trouble our sons are getting into nowadays and what we can do as fathers to lead them on the right path, not only, first and foremost, with out heavenly Father, but also becoming his own man so he can lead his own family one day.  “King Me” offers ispiration and validation of a dad in his sons life and how much we need each other.  Another fantastic topic this book offers to its readers is stating the realization of our enemy in life and how his ultimate goal is to separate the head of the household from his family, because the enemy knows he will create destruction through doing this.  Here are the two strategies the enemy will implement in our lives to create this destruction..

Strategy #1: To effectively alienate and sever a husbands relationship with his wife.

Strategy #2: To effectively alienate and sever a fathers relationship with his children.

This book is real, up to date and in your face about taking our responsibilities as fathers to heart.  A call to all dads to stand up, realize what is going on in the world when it comes to our sons, and take a stand to say “NO MORE.” We will not let the enemy take control and ruin generations of males to come.  We will fight and not back down.  Our sons depend on us and we will not run.  We will not give into temptation, but plant our feet firm into the foundation that God gives us and stick through it.  Not relying on our own windom and power, but the power and knowledge that comes from our Father in heaven.  A great book and I definately recommend it to any man raising a son.

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The Kind Of Dad A Boy Needs

Posted on October 25th, 2011

The Lord says “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.”  Psalms 32:8

Guiding our sons through life is one of the tasks that our heavenly father has given us.  We are to show them how to be men.  Through our words, our emotions and most of all our actions, we are supposed to prepare them for life as they grow.  Our sons crave our attention, our hugs, our words of guidance and a lot of quality time.  They are being pulled in so many directions each and every day.  To be cool at school, to fit in with the cool crowd, to get good grades, to have nice clothes, to be strong, be up to date on the coolest tv shows, intimidation by other boys, and the burdon of peer pressure.  The list goes on and on, but one thing that they need to be confident in is this;  when they come home they should be on a stable foundation, they should know they are loved and that no matter what they do, how they act or what they are going through, that they will always be loved, validated and guided along the correct path by someone who walked in their shoes before them.  That person is you.

Through lifes troubles, your son is going to need you.  Through the good times and the bad times he will need to turn to you for guidance, strength and sometimes a shoulder to cry on.  I think Steve Farrar said it best in his book King Me…..

“Boys need their dads.  They need their dads to do stuff with them and put them to bed.  They need dads who will discipline them when they cross the line.  They need dads who love christ and follow him.  They need dads who don’t lie, don’t cheat, and don’t look at porn.  They need dads to love their mothers and don’t cut out when the going gets tough.  They need dads who won’t put up with disrespectful words or looks aimed at their mom.”

Through our daily interactions we need to be mentoring our sons and showing them what a man is supposed to be and act like.  As they grow older they are going to become more and more independent.  They will push us away and sometimes act as if they do not need us.  But we need to barrel down and stick to our guns when it comes to raising them.  So many times I see parents back off and thats when trouble starts.  Not the normal kind of trouble that boys get into, but the kind of trouble that our sons should never experience in their lives.  Without the involvement of a father, our sons are destined for disaster.  Recently I read Dr. James Dobsons book “Bringing up Boys” and these are the types of issues our sons our facing now a days from not having a father in their lives.

Boys are

  • six times more likely to have learning disabilities
  • three times more likely to be drug addicts
  • four times more likely to be diagnosed mentally disturbed
  • twelve times more likley to murder
  • 50% more likely to die in a car accident
  • boys younger than 15 years of age are twice as likely to be admited to psychiatric hospitals
  • boys younger than 15 are five times more likely than girls to kill themselves
  • boys compromise 90% of those in drug treatment programs
  • boys represent 95% of cases in juvenile court

Without our guidance our sons are headed down a path of destruction and it can only get worse.  Our sons need us now more than ever.  Throughout histroy and up to this day we have seen what happens to boys when they do not have a father in their lives.  When they do not have an authority in their lives to give them boundaries, rules and discipline, they will walk down the wrong path and destroy everything along the way.  It is up to us to interveine and show them what is right and what is wrong.  They can not live without us and we should not allow them to live without us.

Get close to your son with quality time and lots of it.  If you are working too much, then stop and focus on him.  Your son will produce a greater amount of return than any job will ever produce for you.  Get involved with activities that he likes and make them a part of your life.  Teach him what it really means to be a man and submerge him in our culture of men.  Give him as much interaction with you so he can see the way you handle life and truly experience your values in life and why they are important to you.  Let him know who he is and where he belongs, so as he gets older he will not go out and try to find himself in a world that is going to tear him apart at every chance it gets.

If you have a rough relationship with your son, remember that it is never too late to guide him and love him.  Just like in every relationship, it will take time and effort, but we are dads and we are tough as nails.  In the end, your son will thank you, and the values that you have taught him and the identity you have helped him form will be passed on from generation to generation.  I pray that the relationship you produce with your son is all that you dreamed it would be.

    

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A Fathers Influence on their childrens educational success

Posted on October 20th, 2011

Growing up, I did not have my dad in my life to help me study, to keep me focused or even interested in my education, or help me solve the problems that school threw at me.  He was not there to show me good study habits or to show me the importance of what a good education can do for you.  I can truly say that I missed out on a really good man who could have taught me many things just by sitting down and doing my homework with me.  As an adult and a father now in life, I can see what I missed out on and vow never to leave my kids to do their homkework themselves.  I know some people, maybe even some of you reading this, say it is just helping them out with schoolwork.  But it is way more than that.  And the fact that the help is coming directly from their dad, the one they look to for guidance, the one whos opinion matters more than anything in their world, makes it that much more special.

Sitting down with your children and doing homework together sends messages to them that words can not explain.  One of the messages you are sending to them is “you matter to me, and I want to spend time with you.”  Your kids want to spend time with you and take it to heart that you have an interest not only in them, but what they do in life.  That what they are doing sparks your interest and that you are there to help shape them into something great.  This shows that you will not leave their side and will teach them them solve problems when they arise.  This also gives them a sense of pride that you care about them and that you are smart and strong.  Haven’t you ever wondered why children always tell their friends “my dad is stronger than your dad.”  It is because they take pride in the relationship you guys are creating together.  Boys take this pride to a whole other level, but we will get into that in another chapter.

It is not about the homework you are doing with them.  It is all about the time you are spending with them and the underlying messages you are sending their way.  Your children want to know that you take interst in them and their values.  They want to know what types of things you value and make you proud of them.  By showing an interest in their education, you display how valuable education is to you, and if it is valuable to you, then it most certainly is valuable to them.  The bonding experience you obtain through simply sitting down with them to do homework will last a lifetime for them, and will show its rewards later on in both of your lives.

I wanted to show some statisitcs and encourage all of the dads out there to sit down with your children to do some homework and show them a glimpse of your values while you are doing it.  The pay off is substantial and your children will appreciate you for it.  These are some statistics I found that show just how big of an impact a dad can have on his child if he is involved in their childs education.  I hope you realize just how important you are and how much your children need your values.

 

Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, D.C.: GPO, 1993.

Father involvement in schools is associated with the higher likelihood of a student getting mostly A’s. This was true for fathers in biological parent families, for stepfathers, and for fathers heading single-parent families.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

A study of 1330 children from the PSID showed that fathers who are involved on a personal level with their child schooling increases the likelihood of their child’s achievement. When fathers assume a positive role in their child’s education, students feel a positive impact.
Source: McBride, Brent A., Sarah K. Schoppe-Sullivan, and Moon-Ho Ho. “The mediating role of fathers’ school involvement on student achievement.” Applied Developmental Psychology 26 (2005): 201-216.

According to 2009 U.S. Census Bureau data, over 24 million children live apart from their biological fathers. That is 1 out of every 3 (33%) children in America. Nearly 2 in 3 (64%) African American children live in father-absent homes. One in three (34%) Hispanic children, and 1 in 4 (25%) white children live in father-absent homes. In 1960, only 11% of children lived in father-absent homes.

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The Support of a Dad

Posted on July 18th, 2011

“A daughter needs a Dad to teach her to weigh the consequences of her actions and make decisions accordingly.”

Dr. Keith Jowers

As our daughters start to grow up, they look to us as Dads to be there for them.  To show them that they matter and that their choices in life are validated.  Not always right, but that they are validated by us.  I know we always want the best for them, and that we look out for their well being at every chance we get.  But we need to also be cautious about how protective we are about their choices.  We need to choose our battles wisely about the choices they make and whether we agree or disagree with them.  Remember though, when they are making their choices, they are really trying to find themselves and gain some sort of independence.  As Dads we need to use this to our advantage and be there for them when they stumble or worse yet, fall.  But we also need to support our daughters when they take the courage to stand up and make a brave choice, even when the odds look like they are against her.  Our daughters are not always looking to be right in the choices that they make, but they are looking for you to support her, stand behind her, and teach her how to make the right decisions.

Supporting Your Daughter

Support is an emotional attribute that our daughters look to us for.  They look to see if what they are doing is approved or disapproved of.  They want to see if you show an interest in her, what she is doing, and the choices she is making.  By supporting your daughter, when it comes time for her to make her own choices, you are boosting her self esteem and her resistance to failure.  By her knowing she always has someone to turn to, to bounce off of and to bask in the glory of her success, she is willing to get out and explore life with less fear and more determination.  Your daughter will bounce back faster from failures, learn not to give up so easily, and accept defeat as a way of growing herself and her knowledge about the world and what it has to offer.

Now for a little bit I want to talk about the emotional side to supporting your daughter and what it means to her and the feelings that it produces inside of her, but first I want to share an answer a friend gave me when I asked “What was the best quality about your dad?”

“My dad has always been my biggest supporter. In school, in college, in my career path. My dad has been my                   cheerleader, my shoulder to cry, my wailing and gnashing of teeth partner (when things don’t go right). He’s been my sounding board, and has given great (and not so great) advice. He’s supported every decision I’ve ever made, whether he’s agreed with it or not. Because of my dad’s unwavering support, I do all I can to honor him. I want him to be proud of me and he always has been. I know without a doubt that my dad is my biggest supporter, and always will be.”

It is always great to see and hear stories like this, but most of all, to know that someones life was changed for the better because of what a dad did for his child and the valuable contribution he made to enrich their life.  One more good thing we need to really know as dads when we are supporting our daughters, is that we do not always have to speak to them to show our support.  I encourage you guys to hug your daughters with every chance you get and let her know that you love her.  When she is going through a rough time in her life, words are just not enough, and the hug that you give her will speak 100 times the amount of words you could speak verbally to her.  Giving her a hug is validating her that her emotions are real and accepted.  This hug also symbolizes that no matter what storms are in her life or yours, you will always be there for her, especially when she really needs you.

Let the continued support for your daughter be a bridge to the unity of emotions you will share together in your relationship.

Posted in Adolescence, Dads and Daughters, Daily Topics | 7 Comments

“Our Fathers, Ourselves”

Posted on June 3rd, 2011

Dr. Peggy Drexler  has given us a facinating journey into the lives of the father and daughter relationships of many people.  Expressing the importance of having a father in a daughters life with real research and statisitcs accompanied by her own curiosity and real life testimonies, Dr. Drexler will take you through many stories of just how important the impact a dad makes on his daughter is.  Captivating and encouraging to read for all dads or daughters who have amazing dads.  New light is shed for dads and the hopes we have for our daughters and their amazing futures through the important relationship they need to have with their dad.  Dr. Drexler expresses the importance of dads around the world and encourages us to stand up and take not only courage, but to lead the way for our daughters.  Do not back down as a dad and keep on encouraging our daughters.  As Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl out,

“A compelling, passionate argument for the influence of a fathers on girls confidence and self esteem.  In these moving and insightful profiles, readers learn from role models(the good and the bad) about what it means to be a father.  Drexler has upended a powerful stereotype about the trivial role of dads and fills a crucial hole in the research on girls and families.”

I definitely recommend this book to anyone with the need to be in their daughters life and what key role you play in her life.

Posted in Book of The Month, Daily Topics | 116 Comments

“A Gift”"

Posted on May 31st, 2011

“Show your daughters that they are the gift from heaven that you have been praying for your whole life.”

Posted in Daily Topics | 4 Comments